The Diary of Lord Voldemort Book 6
by Nerdtastic1312
Summary: Is Lord Voldemort really as bad as he seems? Or is he just misunderstood and really a nice, funny, warm person on the inside?
1. Chapter 1

Well, it's me. Finally decided to make one of these dismal things. Let's see, what's happening in the world today?

The dementors are annoying the bloody piss out of me. Since they're breeding, the females are getting really pissy and moody and are damanding chocolate and battery acid every five minutes.

Pettigrew's starting to scare me... not that he didn't already scare me, now it's just at a new level of weird. the other day I swear I saw a rat in the bathroom when I was taking my daily bubblebath. Then I swear I heard him murmur "That's what makes it so great to look at" when I asked him if my butt looked big in my new cargo pants. None the less, I've sent him over to annoy Snape for the time being. Hopefully now I can enjoy my baths without wondering if he's peeking through the keyhole...:shivers:

And that little brat of Lucius's is really whiny. He get's it from his mother. A little show off, that one is, too. Let's see, if he doesn't die this year I forsee him cutting his hair, spiking it, turning homosexual and dancing onstage with four other gay guys while singing the remake of "Bye-Bye-Bye" Oh well, with Lucius in Azkaban, the female death eaters keep complaining that there's no eye candy for them to look at, and apparently they need a weak blonde pansy to be satisfied.

Narcissa's been whining constantly, and crying. She's very distraught...poor girl. Well I don't care, at least now I win at DDR so as long as she sucks, I'm happy.

Well that's it for today, I'm going to go play target practice with the little children down the block.

Voldie Out


	2. Chapter 2

Gloomy day...excellent.

The dementors are still bleeding annoying. One even threw it's robe at me because I told it to sod off...that was scary. I never want to see another naked dementor as long as i live. :shivers:

On a plus, I have the werewolves working for me now. Fenrir finally agreed when I said he could have all the children he could eat after I rule the world. :evil laugh: Eh, children... don't really care for them. They're bloody useless, all they do is scream, throw up, and piss on your valuables.

The Malfoys came by today, as did Bella. Ah... Bella, you may have screwed up to get the profecy-as did about 50 other idiots- but you managed to get out, and you killed a rather annoying flea bitten poor excuse for a man. Good job, dear. You get a cookie.

Draco seems to be cowering before me quite nicely. :smirk: Well, what can I say? I do have that effect on people. The little prat got a little mad, though, when I told him to put on a pair of leather pants, a yellow bandana, and jump on the table an sing "Quit playing games with my heart." He scowled and bitched a bit, but it was worth it. He really pulled it off, too. Takes after Lucius, that one. 

Ah, I remember the first time I made Lucius dress up like a backstreet boy and sing on the coffee table... good times, good times. Ah, Lucius, I miss you. It's so boring now that you're gone, I mean, who're we going to get to do "Mean Girls" impressions now? And why'd you have to get locked up before I stole your snakey pimp-cane, huh? Huh? Yes, you just think about that, you ingrate.

Well, I must go now, it's almost 6 and the rest of the death eaters will be here in a bit so we can all play twister. 

Voldie Out.


	3. Chapter 3

Yo dawgs, it's Voldie.

I read this book on pop culture and gettin to know the teens of society today-- I mean... Yo homie-G, I was brushin up on mah peeps, seein' how to get down wit' my pimps and hoes.

Snape's being a pansy--I mean a whiny cracker-- and thinks I should act my age seeing as I is "The greatest sorcerer known to wizarding kind." He's just being what my peeps call a kiss ass.

Them werewolves keep bustin my chops. They keep chewing on mah furniture. But I told dem whiny bitches to take they appetites outside or I'd go medieval on they ass. Please believe. :gang sign:

See, I can be as off da heezy as dem kids today. Fo' sho.

Off to da business part. Everything seems to be goin according to plan. I mean ya home skillet, things they goin breezy. It's all gravy, s'all gravy, dawg. Draco, my numba one killah says da plan is gonna work fo sho'. Of course it will, cuz if it don't yo ass is history, bitch. For real mother fucker.

That's it for me, I gotz to go get my grub on.

Peace out, hoe.

Voldie


	4. Chapter 4

:in business like tone:  
Echem... I am sad to announce that I must give up my ghettoness because a certain someone thought I should act more my age. :glare at Snape:

:mumbles: Stupid whiny cracker, why I oughta...

Well, school starts again for the little runts in a few days. _Draco's plan better work, or he'll end up worse than his father._ Pothead's still alive...:cringe: Why the bloody hell is he still alive, damn it! You'd think by now my prayers would've worked and he'd have gotten food poisoning, a tumor, or something that would give him a slow and painful death by now. Or maybe I can imperious him and make him my slave/bitch/butt-monkey for the rest of his life...hmm... I like the second one. :evil laugh:

:sigh: It's so boring around here. All I ever do is sit around and watch Degrassi, and Desperate Housewives. Last episode of Degrassi was great. Paige's evilness is very refreshing. Also, that Eva Longoria's quite a fox. I might just imperious her and make her my evil queen... of evil.

Well I'm bored, so I think I'm going to dye my hair, dance to Spice Girls and call myself "Posh" please excuse me while I do that.

Voldie out.


End file.
